He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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