You just made me feel so damn special
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize