6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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