it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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