her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
