You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
