yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
