He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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