I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
