Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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