ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
