i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
