i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
