The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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