are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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