if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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