i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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