Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and she was petting her beer can
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
