I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize