I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
