For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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