BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
