I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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