oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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