I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
