do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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