thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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