I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize