the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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