I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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