This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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