what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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