YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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