his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize