WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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