At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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