to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
