loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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