Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
