They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
