i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How does one acquire holy water?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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