how can u be prego again
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
