I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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