I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize