I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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