I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
