I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
