i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
