You can't special order awesome
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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