I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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