i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
