PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
