***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
