Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
how does that bad decision feel?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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