At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
