My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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