home. puking in laundry basket.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
