is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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