You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
