Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize