Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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