Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize