i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
