Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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