It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
