you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
