New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize