i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
