Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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