She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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