i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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