every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
