she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
