If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
