We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my being single is dangerous.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
