Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
