I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize