i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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