Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Duck Duck Cougar?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
