she takes plan B like it's going out of style
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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