My sheets look like a crime scene.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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