What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
