Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
