Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
