i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize