I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
