I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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