Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
