I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize