she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
