That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
