As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
