Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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