I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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