I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
