There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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