Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
