Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
