I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize