I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
