the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
