Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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