I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
