I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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