my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
