You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
