sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
