Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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