I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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